I have often been encouraged by readers and friends to write movie scripts as they want to see me make money [thanks guys], and, all being genius level readers, know movies—and now movie-quality games—is where the money is.

We modern writers have a second hope that our 19th Century predecessors did not have. Even if something we write does not do well, it might be optioned for a movie. My favorite example is We Will Remember it For You Wholesale, a 1960s short story that was made into Total Recall. A dude gets paid maybe $20 for a story and then it gets turned into a script 25 years later!

A friend sent me a copy of The Script, by Wells Root. I had never been interested in movies, how they were made, etc. I had never, in 40 years, considered the process. When I read this guide on script writing I became convinced that I am less well-equipped to write a script than the average movie-goer. I spent over 20 years viewing less than 4 movies a year. I am not qualified; do not even posses the raw materials, for script writing. That is the sense that I took away from the master script writer’s book. I did not understand what it was I lacked until last week. And to say I understand it now would be an overstatement. Maybe one of you 21st Centurians can figure it out and clue me in.

A friend lent me what he told me was the best comic ever written. Others told me the same. They also plugged it as an actual book, a classic graphic novel. It is titled Watchmen, a Hugo Award winning collaboration. I had read a couple Conan comics as a kid, and had not continued as I far preferred the original pulp stories. It was, at age 49, about time to broaden my range of literary mediums. This is particularly important—so my friends tell me—as comics are more easily converted into movies because movie-makers use something called a story board, which is essentially a comic, and I have some very talented artist friends.

Now, I am not a superhero fan. I am also not against superhero fiction. As movies I really liked Unbreakable and Ironman—can generally do without the guys in tights, and am a big Lex Luther fan. I even play with heroclix miniatures! I was stoked, a new genre; a new medium…

…I could not get 10 pages in before I had a headache. The art was very evocative, but it told an incomplete shadow of a story. The text and dialogue were mere fragments of a story. I knew theoretically that I was supposed to look at this busy collage of art and words and comprehend it, but it was exhausting, life draining; tougher than reading The Koran! I actually got a headache, as if trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces. I eventually settled for skimming the art, and have some vague idea of the story scope. Apparently there is a notch missing in my brain. I do not understand exactly what this form of retardation is. Then again, I did manage to read some comics as a teen. Perhaps it was that last spinning back-fist I ate?

I just don’t get it, and thought I would share that with you for Christmas. It is not much, but at least it is an idea; a thought, rather than an object.

Peace.

James

A number of readers—one being Erique, a training partner [who has discovered that I’m still not used to these awkward bilateral appendages and continue to sprain my flexor tendons and ankles in sparring] who works in the comic book industry—give or loan me material to review for the site. Two people have even sent me books to review that they did not have time to read; using me as a living cliff note I suppose—talk about feeling used!

I typically begin my writing week on Monday with seven articles outlined and saved in miniature at the bottom of the screen. I also carry about 300 outlines in the various folders. Daily I check the backend of the site for comments and views, responding to the comments, and noting how the reader views are trending. For instance, if I have 200 reads today, and 150 of them are book review reads, and I have two Harm City and two book reviews outlined, I will get the reviews out there first.

Now, occasionally a piece will take off, like when MMA Gloves and Boxing got 1,000 reads in two days. Obviously some coven of cerebral knuckleheads found this article—which Fight Magazine scoffed at in 2010—to be useful. Then Charles found out it had been reposted on some site or another. That makes sense, and is flattering. As a writer it is always a weird feeling when something written years ago becomes popular. For one thing, I regard everything I wrote before 2011 as being pretty poorly crafted. I can’t even bare to read stuff I wrote before 2000.

In late 2012 I wrote a piece titled Anachronistically Yours: Crawling Into the Multimedia World. It received about 50 reads over a year on the site. Of the 750 or so articles and stories posted on this site I would have to rate it at about 600, far worse than the last thing I would put in my ghost writer’s application submission if I found myself attempting to whore for We Pay You To Write Big Guy.slum. The article was basically a plea to the reader, to please explain to me why I am apparently retarded when it comes to comprehending comic books.

Anachronistically Yours is now the third most read piece on this site. It has picked up over 250 reads in the past week. Still, no reader comments, “Hey, LaFond, it’s because you’ve been punched in the head 10,000 times!”

What has happened to that crappy piece of griping, ‘I’m too old to appreciate what you young bucks are into’ keyboardmanship?

Are a bunch of comic geeks sitting around drinking bright blue Mountain Dew into the wee hours, taking turns reading it in imitation of me, and then applauding the geek who sounds the most like Burgess Meredith griping to Sly Stallone?

Has some Japanese biotech firm identified in me a master strain of dyslexia, their Takonori Gomi-looking white-suited Yakusa goons already on their way to Baltimore to abduct me for an excruciatingly lethal round of testing, in their quest to develop a manga speed-reading drug?

Have my fellows from school, back on Regal-S, finally noted my achievements as an extraterrestrial anthropologist? Does old M-12 stand before the Remote Viewing Portal even now, with his indicating appendage pointed at Anachronistically Yours, and his verbal orifice announcing, “There, would be students of the life way of lesser forms, there is a stroke of genius! Consider M-116’s example and imbed yourself as the idiot of the population!”

Really, an expiring mind wants to know, why did you repost or link to Anachronistically Yours?

Please, let me now before this deteriorating LaFond avatar completely wears out.

Extraterrestrially Yours, Regal M-116-S