My favorite bleeding heart Irish reporter narrates a lunch gone wrong. In such a situation you let him take the food while you grab his shoulders—not the head—and bite off his nose. Spit the nose in someone else’s face, because this guy is done. Now start gouging eyes with your hooked thumbs. Take punches, lean in, and rip out eyes.
Do not swallow and gargle with bleach immediately.
Why grab the shoulders and not the head?
People who have their head grabbed sometimes duck out of the hold or head butt. In either case you run the risk of losing your teeth on his skull.
People grabbed by the shoulders tend to lock up their hips, so as soon as they resist turn your head to the right so that you can bit his nose lengthwise, which cuts down on snot and other muck running into your mouth, then tear to your left while you clutch the near shoulder with your left and push against the far shoulder with your right.