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‘The Way of the World’
Columbine Joe, the Liquor Store Clerk
© 2015 James LaFond
NOV/24/15
Okay, you promised a book, and I want a book—something funny to show the kids and whatnot—but I’ve got to give up the cruddy stuff too?
[Frowns, strokes beard, shakes head “no” then nods head “yes”]
Okay—let’s see if we can be really general—generously general on the time frame here, since, when this happened, I officially had my act together and had come to Jesus.
[Rubs beard as author gives blatantly false assurances]
Darn, brother, this is hard. Have to pity those Catholics. It’s one thing to come clean with the Lord, but—darn, okay.
I was divorced, working in a liquor store making seven dollars an hour—and mind you this wasn’t that long ago. Seven bucks an hour does not go far. And the ex-wife has them taking a ridiculous amount of child support out of me. I’m literally making less than my child support. Forget garnishment, that would never cover it, bro. I had to pay the lawyer, every month, or, go, to, jail!
The world is the world and I was living in it—and thankfully still am. Hopefully the Lord understands.
I’m working behind the counter at the liquor store making seven an hour, so what else can I do but sell weed? It’s the same customer base. I don’t have the stuff on me—it’s behind some bottle of gin that never sells.
I tell the customers—my private customers—that they have to buy something from the store—which is only fair because I am on the owner's space and time, and is prudent besides. So I was generating tax revenue, and volume for my employer. They would come in, buy a forty for two bucks, drop a ten on me, and would be out the door with a little something extra.
After a while it turned into real money—after a little while I should say. It didn’t take long. People find you. So, honestly, even after partaking a might myself, I was still making multiple times more in cash than I was on the job. The system was basically making me do it. I either I go to jail or make money—a lot more money than I’d ever make working a job—to make the child support.
[Extends open hand like he is pushing on a door to test it]
Now, you would think—a lawyer being sharper than the ordinary tool—that this lawyer would know, based on the amount of cash, and the denominations that I was bringing to him, where the money was coming from. So, this lawyer will wash my money for free as long as he’s getting his piece of the action.
After a while I started moving other stuff for associates, mostly powder. I prefer the powder because you can cook it up, sell it as rock, and make a big profit, where, with the pills, it’s pretty much like selling beans.
Then I got engaged.
[Stands back, strokes beard, nods with scrunched face]
There can’t be any secrets in a true union. So I told my fiancé. When she found out how much I was making she got nervous—so I stopped. I did, though, pay for the wedding with the proceeds, put that money into a church.
The world is the world, brother.
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Manny     Nov 24, 2015

When people ask me what I do for a living I like to tell them: "whatever it takes." Absence of money is the root of all evil. Good stuff James. Thank you.
James     Nov 30, 2015

Good for you, man.

If you ever want to send a brief account of your non-materialistic life for publication on tis site email me at jameslafond dot-com at gmail dot-com
Manny     Dec 2, 2015

James. Thank you for your kind invitation to share my "non-materialistic" life. I am greatly flattered, but do no believe I have one. I will check with my accountant and verify. Until then, keep up the outstanding writing. Best regards, Manny.
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