In its mania to report on anything but the grim fact that Baltimore is a hunting ground prowled by armed black men—increasingly masked and unchallenged by police—The Baltimore Sun, the journal of record for the Soviet Socialist People’s Republic of Maryland, buried the news of December 31st’s 8:00 p.m. murder of a young black man in West Baltimore on Popleton Street on the interior page, taking up a thumb’s space. The cover stories were on New Year’s festivities and increased restrictions on police activity.
Who knows what kind of action there was overnight. Upon my return to Harm City from my night of geriatric debauchery—which now largely consists of snoring in a chair—a half hour ago, at 7 a.m., under a dark dawn sky, I saw a speeding ambulance, two cop cars responding to the area 7-11 with lights on and no sirens. As I sit, the BPD chopper is sweeping the neighborhood from above—one of Baltimore’s better neighborhoods…
At a shock trauma surgery cost of $112,000 per target the Home Team is making life flush for area surgeons! Way to take one for the team, Jerome. That vascular surgeon really needed another swimming pool!
More importantly, have these hardworking hoodrats enriched any of the readers at jameslafond.com beyond their mildest dreams?
Below are the murder rate predictions from our Urban League Playoff announcement, the winner to receive a copy of Menthol Rampage.
As you can see, our webmaster, Charles, almost nailed it, which can be expected as he is managing the mapping of habitat hoodrat, checking my unreported violence and aggression against various “murder maps.” He is virtually an authority on how to get killed in Baltimore, leaving Steve Lovett, at 345, as our victor.
Charles, send that man a cop of Menthol Rampage!
Steve, if you want a print copy email me at jameslafond dot-com at gmail dot-com with your address and I will mail you a copy.
Habibi November 29, 2015 1:20 PM EST
326
Sean November 29, 2015 11:21 AM EST
Wow these guys are worse then I thought. Changing to 335!
Hdob November 22, 2015 12:54 PM EST
317
Charles Meisling November 19, 2015 12:00 PM EST
345
aa November 19, 2015 6:10 AM EST
338
Adam Swinder November 19, 2015 12:03 AM EST
319, go big or go home.
jr November 18, 2015 1:20 PM EST
300,000. We can hope; right?
SAWB November 18, 2015 10:20 AM EST
315, go hoodrats.
Kman November 18, 2015 9:50 AM EST
I'll go with 308. Which coincidentally is my favorite rifle caliber and has never let me down.
K-
Sean November 17, 2015 11:07 AM EST
Can we do over and under bets? If so I'll take the under and if not I'm going for 311.
Ishmael November 17, 2015 11:05 AM EST
328
Don November 17, 2015 12:56 AM EST
Given the pending colder weather I predict the final death count to be 317.
Manny November 16, 2015 11:01 PM EST
I'll take 333. Half the number of the beast. Keep up the good work hood rats!
Sam November 16, 2015 9:36 PM EST
330
Quantrill November 16, 2015 9:35 PM EST
I predict the dindu dance of death slows to a box step with the cool weather... 310.
BIngo November 15, 2015 11:55 PM EST
I'm going to go a bit higher with 336, expecting some hell for the holidays.
Steve Lovett November 15, 2015 7:53 PM EST
345
SidVic November 15, 2015 6:22 PM EST
304
Even I with my disposition to believe them in disrepute underestimated the dindoos.
James:
Harm City's hoodrats are impressive. If your 638 "hits" is accurate they are much more lethal than Chicago's. 344 kills on 638 hits is a lethality rate of .539. Chicago had 2990 shot with 442 killed for a lethality rate of .147. Do you have any explanation for this? Could it be that Baltimore's hoodrats have learned the concept of aimed fire? That would be scary. Maybe all that wind is affecting the accuracy in Chicago?
Thanks for the great writing. Looking forward to reading more LaFond in 2016.
Best regards, Manny
I think it as to do with the nature of the shootings. it seems like—from what I have read—that many of the Chicago shootings are group versus group, or one guy trying to hose down a fleeing group. On the other hand, much of the Baltimore body count is generated by betrayal executions, such as described in the Golden Child article. Also, Baltimore seems to be more congested than the mid west cities, so perhaps we are seeing closer range spray and pray.
Thanks for the kind words, Manny.