What is the Neanderthal Resistance Hall of Pain?

In due time, Rock-Hoppa, in due time…

Andy is 20-years-old, five-foot eight-inches tall and 145 pounds. He is a clerk who works over night in a county supermarket, barely making ends meet and enjoying good literature like King Leer, Hamlet, Winter, and Reverent Chandler.

The night before last, on the coldest night in over a year in the Armpit of the East Coast, he was waiting for the #23 bus out to Middle River, his destination, 10 miles up the Eastside from the busy transfer point at Charles Center:

As Andy waited in his jeans, ball cap, sweat shirt and hooded coat, a large, innocent, unarmed, black teen in his late 20s approached him and asked for a cigarette. Andy, a very friendly guy, who always asks coworkers how they are doing and cares enough to find out how they are before continuing on his way, said, “Sure, Man, here you go,” and handed the bearded youth a smoke from arm’s length.

Five minutes later, as Andy held his new $80 watch in the palm of his hand, the innocent, unarmed, bearded, black, teen approached again, with a second man of the same description and said, aggressively, “Give me that watch, boy!”

Andy, a scrappy fellow, said, “Okay,” and slammed the watch into the mugger’s face with the palm of his hand.

The mugger grabbed Andy by the collar of his coat and began lifting him and pushing him toward the wall.

Andy clinched up and threw the man with a heel-trip, landed straddled on top of the man, who was now in a fetal position and began laying in punches to the face and neck as the man laid and prayed.

Unfortunately, as Andy landed punches, his belongings were spilling out of his coat and pants pockets , clattering on the sidewalk: a $200 cell phone, his wallet with $150 in cash, his I.D. and his bus pass…

Just about as this registered in his mind, he noticed that the other innocent, unarmed, 20-something, black teen, instead of piling on as most mugging accomplices do, was scooping up his belongings!

Andy scrambled after the man with the result that both muggers fled.

Andy was screwed, with no way to bus it to work, hire a cab, or call for help.

Rather than beg, bully or steal, like most Baltimoreans who find themselves stranded on a cold night, Andy began the uphill trek to work, which took him past the main police precinct. Feeling kind of sore over the turn of events, Andy decided to do the right thing and report the crime.

On inquiring of the officer on duty Andy was informed that the victim of his unprovoked attack had already charged him with assault and battery, and that, since the victim of his violent outburst had a witness, and Andy was the suspect until proven innocent, the best he could hope for was having the case thrown out as a mutual combat. The officer declined to file a report, to seek Andy’s belongings, or make a phone call to work on his behalf, reiterating to Andy, that if someone tries to take your belongings and you hit them, then you have committed an equal or greater crime and have forfeited your right to file a complaint with the police.

Hours later, Andy made it to work, but had missed his shift and was sent home, suffering further economic loss. He did not, however, whine and complain, and I had to pretty much drag this account out of him. He said, “It is what it is—can’t fight the system when it’s stacked against you. But I won’t stop defending myself just because it’s against the law.”

Hang tough, Andy. The enemy may be bold, but they are weak and gutless, and one day they will not have the police to protect them. You are young yet. Perhaps you shall have the pleasure of seeing that glorious, blood-drenched day come to pass, when the police stand aside and let us Neanderthals defend ourselves against our sissy enemy.

On behalf of the readers at jameslafond.com I am presenting Andy with a black, 2014 Armitron watch which I have not been able to figure out how to set in any case.