In the two areas of Baltimore County I frequent we get more crime coverage than in all of Baltimore City, from small local papers, albeit owned by the big one, which is owned either by Baalzeebub or Lucifer, I think, or is it Hades?

Although there are no crimes in Baltimore City other than murders, according to our Mayor and the journal of record, kicking in front doors is becoming very popular among thugs in outlying areas. It is, however, difficult to track these people down—assuming they are people—as the police have apparently been unable to discover anything about the violent felons in Parkville, Essex and Dundalk.

On Tuesday, January 12, a “victim” was robbed by two presumably unarmed “suspects” on U.S. Route #1.

Friday, January 15, about midnight, in Parkville, on Waltham Woods, “two victims” were robbed at gunpoint by “two unknown suspects.”

Meanwhile, over on the East Side, at one minute after midnight, in Middle River, at the Martin Blvd. shopping center [probably at the #4 bus stop] a “victim” of undetermined genus, species [considering the weather, probably a mammal], race or sex, was robbed at knife point by “two unknown suspects” [presumably earthlings], presumably higher primates with opposable thumbs.

Back on the 9th, at a Taco Bel, not far from where our first “victim” of undetermined type, some idiot got out of his buddy’s truck to have words with someone giving them a hard time in the drive thru behind them, could not see through the tinted windows, and walked over to the driver’s side to peer into the car through the conveniently open window and was shot.

Oh yes, and down in Dundalk some poor bastard was run over and left dead in the street, the nature of his attacker having the virtue of being an authentic mystery.

These reports serve no purpose other than to identify hot spots. We do not have any ability to inform the police as we are woefully uninformed.

We do not know if Raccoons are organizing, perhaps mounted on the backs of vengeful whitetail deer and hunting humans, or if these are actually humans doing this, let alone one kind of human.

Furthermore—assuming these are humans—we do not know what kind of people are being hunted. Are the people of my age, race, gender being attacked?

If so, by what type of attacker?

There is only one rational explanation, that these victims are from one group of people that the authorities [including the media] do not want to inform as to their peril, lest they become vigilant, or perhaps move, and the unknown suspects are all members of a protected group that the authorities do not want to be suspected of doing what they do. Aside from these vague assumptions, we can only determine one thing for certain, that the police and the media, want whoever is being attacked to continue being attacked and whoever is attacking to continue attacking under the cloak of anonymity.

They do not even need to wear hoods.