As the perennially beleaguered, girthy rodent of Pennsylvania fame was once again dragged from its cozy winter burrow by superstitious bipeds to determine if winter would indeed come to an end, sooner rather than later, his urban cousins took seasonal forecasting into their own hands here, in Harm City, south of Yo Adrian's Wall...

Migrant hoodrats have continued to shoot each other and local wannabe hoodrats in the outlying areas of Eastern Baltimore County at a rate not seen since the 1990s at the height of the drug wars.

Hoodrats, lone ones, and paired scouting parties, have been seen with increasing frequency up to 10 miles beyond the Baltimore City line, scouting the middle class residential neighborhoods to which they have been relocated by the Master of Hoodrats in his dark tower—it's white? Are you sure, Charles?

A man leaving a night club was attacked and robbed on the parking lot by two hoodrats, six miles from the city line.

Ten miles from Harm City a mated pair of hoodrats attacked a woman in the Carroll Island Walmart, two miles from waterfront mansions. The male hoodrat applied a rear standing choke while the female hoodrat attempted—unsuccessfully—to take a ring from a finger, and did take the victim's purse, which was later recovered.

Since the snow cleared, numerous individual Neanderthals have been attacked and robbed in White Marsh, Essex, Rosedale and Parkville, by packs of warm-weather acclimated hoodrats. Didn't this happen when the snow cleared for the spring 30,000 years ago?

The kicking in of front doors and basement doors is now the most common aspect of property crime in the above mentioned areas. All such reports have been limited to print and online media, with no [according to my TV-viewing sources] TV coverage of this trend.

And, putting aside the two stabbings and assorted gunpoint robberies, the true sign that hoodrat summer is here, is that, on Thursday, January 28th, as soon as the snow had cleared enough to make hoodrat mobility practical, at 2:40 in the afternoon, at the BP gas station on Compass Road, in upscale White Marsh, two "unknown suspects," [possibly Alpha Centurian infiltrators, but most likely Harm City hoodrats], threatened the victim [also unknown, but assumed to be a Neanderthal] with a hand gun, demanding his clothes. The two "unknown suspects" then took the victim's clothes and fled. Had they been dispatched by a hoodrat matriarch to acquire bedding for her den, or perhaps clothing for her "mans?"

This is an important detail. If the Neanderthal was fleeced for bedding then we have six more weeks of winter, if for the stately appearance of Mamma's mans at the Golden Buffet, then summer is as good as here.

This reporter suspects that summer is as good as here!