When Shayne, Ishmael and I head out for the Liver-Eating Johnson investigation Shayne will be looking at everything from the perspective of a badass white killer with a big-ass gun, with Ishmael and I basically taking turns trying to figure out how the hell we would—as the Indian stand-ins—get at him with our stone hatchet and trade knife. As a former Ranger who has seen combat, Shayne is also our contingency guide. Below is the type of empathetic group-hug query I look forward to from Shayne in our correspondence, which came on the tail end of Ishmael and Shayne discussing how drunk they would have to get me before I'd agree to eat some raw bison liver.
“This is for James. Is there anything you don't or can't eat? Allergies, etc. mushrooms ok? Eatables of course. We don't want to purposely fook you up. Let me/us know. We're actually gonna eat good. It's the herbs and spices that make snake taste like chicken. Milk ok? Indians always milked buffalo and drank it......”
“How about food allergies? We're out in the boondocks man and I don't want you falling out from food allergies. My only first aid remedy is to piss on you, cool you down , then put a tourniquet on your throat to keep you quiet. Seriously let me know.”
I was so very glad to report no allergies of any kind, not even to hoodrat dander. Embarrassingly, I had to report the two food items I cannot get down—banana, and liver. I am taking two walks per week in addition to the two 1.5 mile walks per day: a 6-mile hike, uphill [at 5 MPH] [only a 20% grade,] and an 8-mile cross country hike at a slower pace [at 4 MPH]. Thanks for the concern, Shayne.
Well, I didn't expect to be on your website with that blurb. Hey man, it's just my Boy Scout blood coming out mixed with some take care of your buddy army training. If you were a hoodrat, I'd piss in your mouth then add the tourniquet. See you in the fall to play a most exciting and warrior man game....all in the name of a liver eater—which you will enjoy and become, followed by a banana for desert!!
Take care man. Rangers lead the way!!!