Today, the day before Easter, a spry 62-year-old crack-head grabbed two large Lysol sprays cans, 2 air fresheners, and five toothpaste packages and bolted out of Fort Hoodrat, through the stockroom and leaped off the dock, six feet to the asphalt lot, and was free and clear, running for the bus stop to sell his gotten goods for $10, so he could smoke a rock—and smash, Jerry, Olympic-level, shoplifter apprehension-specialist, retail food clerk, tackled his old ass on the pavement.
As he was hauled into the store and the police were called, customers began coming to his defense with various Shakespearean pleas for his liberation, two of which comprise the title and subtitle above, the rest of which dissolved into mud in my mouth as I tried to recall them with the level of ebonic exactitude The Ghetto Grocer is renown for.
The owner told the assembled clerks, “Take a good look at this piece-of-shit and never let him back in the store again—this is his third time.”
With smash and grab shoplifting, now called ‘shop-hauling’ in some quarters, still going strong after Harm City’s Whore Mayor declared open season on retailers 11 months ago, we may be at a point where rioting will simply not be necessary, as dirt bags like this no longer fear to loot in broad daylight, knowing they will be released on Monday from the overcrowded detention center.
In the meantime, over the past three weeks, The Baltimore Sun has reported the following law enforcement news, which falls somewhat short of boosting confidence in the minds of those deluded holdovers of that decadent age that died in its sleep who yet harbor a fantasy of property rights:
1. Harm City Police are now being encouraged to have discussions with suspects, and counsel them, Batman-like, against breaking the law, rather than arrest them for minor offenses.
2. In Harm City Handcuffs are being reconsidered, as an excessive form of restraint.
3. Harm City police will be restricted in the use of tazers, following a fact-finding mission.
And so the vast Lie of Rights enforced by Proxy Aggression, that is Western Civilization, having barely wakened from its drugged slumber long enough to perceive its demise, teeters off to its reprehensible end…
I actually in my naive sort of way agree with some these ideas. The idea that everyone the police talk to should be thrown on the ground and handcuffed seems ridiculous to me. Plenty of people get tazed for little or no reason besides the cop just wants to show you whose boss. Like that Black guy that got chocked to death because he was, maybe, selling a few single cigarettes. Now I know they're dealing with a different clientele in your neighborhood but none the less treating everyone like a shit head and eventually everyone will treat you like a shit head also.
And the basic rationalization seems to be, I'm poor, so I can steal. That, and once there was slavery, so I'm entitled to all sorts of stuff, i.e. reparations.
Suuure!
Seriously?
I'm impressed with the logical progression.