There is a certain combative statement that three Baltimore area eye-witnesses and combatants have related to me since 1999. I have discounted one of these testimonials as unreliable. However MC and Shoey have both related to me reliable accounts of a certain subset of Harm City brawlers using a very specific declaration to shock their heterosexual adversaries on city sidewalks. The stories involve different situations and genders. I think since the dialogue is so catchy, that this belligerent statement has entered into the local urban legend and has been attributed to combatants who I suspect might not have used it.

Let us use MCs story, as I am saving Shoey’s very similar story for Shoebox, the novelette based on his life.

Joe and MC were driving downtown past Hooters restaurant into Baltimore’s Inner Harbor on a nice sunny spring day. Joe was enjoying his $80,000 Mercedes convertible, the top down, taking in the sights. Then, on the sidewalk off to his right, he spotted two women of color walking together, and said to MC, “Do you think they’re gay?”

MC "shushed" him, reminding the driver that the top was down, as they eased to a stop at the light. The damage was done though. The larger woman turned and said, “Who you callin’ gay?” You sayin’ I look gay!”

MC and Joe tried to appeal to the just get along impulse in all of us, but did not find any evidence that such a sentiment resided in this particular person’s breast. The woman then slammed a foot into the passenger side of the Mercedes, producing a mournful dent in Joe’s pride and joy.

Joe became angry and got out of his car, stepping up onto the sidewalk and confronting the woman, who declined to back down. Joe then said, “I’m not above hitting a woman.”

The woman retorted, “Then let see what you got, whiteboy.”

Joe cracked the woman to the pavement with a straight right. To his and MC’s surprise she bounced right back up, her fists held before her, between which she snarled, “The only thing I like more than eatin’ pussy is fightin’!”

Joe lost his nerve, not wanting to be caught slugging it out in public with some crazy woman. The episode then devolved into a comedy scene out of the silent film era as Joe ran round and round his car with the woman in hot pursuit. He eventually dived in and pulled off amid a shower of taunts.

This was surely an unfortunate episode in the life of Joe’s Mercedes, and I did not think to inquire as to how his inability to protect her affected their relationship. However, the belligerent woman did provide Joe with a definitive answer to his original question concerning her sexual orientation.

Recognizing and Surviving the Condition of Anarcho-Tyranny

Recognizing and Surviving the Condition of Anarcho-Tyranny