This movie, based on the Novel by Seth Grahame-Smith, who had direct input on the movie, solidifies two crucial story-telling concepts as a compatible whole; martial arts bullshit and comic book bullshit are 100% compatible and serve as a perfect delivery system for the politically correct bullshit which is at the core of the politically correct America identity, which is steeped in mountains of steaming bullshit.

The orthodoxy of the Great American Lie is paraded as history in the background [Currently, many people get their history from the lead-in back story to such movies, and log the point before the fantastical divergence as actual fact.]to this admitted fantasy, when it is stated that European settlers arrived with their slaves—as if they sailed to Africa, captured some and brought them along—as white pilgrims and black property are shown in still, having just arrived on the coast. In reality it was white human property that was brought along with the first purveyors of our now vast lie, cleared the land, built the plantations and worked them for a hundred and more years before being replaced by more obedient blacks.

Confederate plantations make for good vampire coven settings and are an ideal metaphor for the equally horrible facts. However, rather than continue truthfully with the displacement of the obsolete evil of American chattel slavery with a vastly more effective and all-encompassing evil slave matrix represented by Lincoln and a parade of lesser presidents, Seth reaches into stock, conservative, jingoistic American imagery for a far more pleasing and culturally supportable illusion. In between images of Lincoln butchering the all-white vampires with an axe, we see the Gettysburg Address in vivid color. Seth knows and has mastered the key to commercially successful writing: the subversion of the Ugly Truth with the Beautiful Lie.

I once red Seth’s novel on Barabas, as a roguish figure that ultimately saves baby Jesus. Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter is no accident. In both stories Seth quotes the bible insightfully and delivers some very fine scenic imagery and bestows outstanding dialogue on his characters. His action is straight out of Hollywood over the top bullshit, with the final package appealing to the young man who normally reads comics.

Who better to sell the lie of universal white privilege and black martyrdom to, than the young paleface nerd wondering why the world hates him yet somehow seeks to appeal to him?

Where the real Abraham Lincoln won a court case consigning a black man to slavery and stated that blacks were inferior and should be shipped back to Africa, Seth’s Lincoln is Martin Luther King in white face and top hat. However, the story is appealing even with the obligatory sainted black side kick and the obligatory white devil—who, though a genius always miscalculates. I enjoyed this douchebag movie, I am afraid to admit. But I did and do.

If you are looking into a career writing to sell, I suggest reading Seth Grahame-Smith, whatever he has written, because the guy is a master at wielding the written word as an edifying suspension of disbelief as well as the cultivation of false belief. He should be speech writer to our Mighty Queen when her Wings of State spread and her ghastly Talons of Power rend the throat of our conflicted ancestry to be replaced by a Glittering Lie of Guilt-Gilt White.

Most importantly, not only does Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer deliver the message that being born white means that you are among the only race cursed with original sin and it is your duty to protect the innocent races from the natural evil within your foul brood, but the black viewer is schooled, once again, that even though he is a sainted martyr, he’s not getting far without a well-spoken white man—preferably a lawyer—to do the heavy lifting for him. As with all such propaganda, the moral taint of being born white and obligated to serve black interests, is balanced by the fact that blacks are born without agency and must look to the White Daddy for deliverance. No message better suits the invaluable maintenance of a multi-racial society as a polity both riven by hatred and shackled by complaisance.

White Master glares down upon us all, not believing anything we believe, or anything he says—the stronger for it.