So the topic of the day: What is a bitch? Hmmmmm? Not always a simple question to answer.

Well, for the Neanderthal man the bitch is the colloquial malicious, belligerent, coarse and spiteful creature. She is a bitch! Yeah, that sounds right. Of course, like most things this is a relative term since one man’s bitch can be another man’s bottom bitch. These being clearly uniquely distinct entities. The prostitute serving as the “bottom bitch” by the Neanderthal definition still holds a higher status than the standard everyday bitch of a woman who drives men crazy. At least the bottom bitch satisfies a need.

It does seem interestingly fitting that such a word came to our linguistic development. Literally meaning a female dog, the generic use now referring to an overbearing, distasteful woman somehow has the appropriate tone, even ring to it. Men everywhere have encountered the bitch in their day to day life. It is never a nice experience. This is so because there is no dealing with the BITCH, except of course for ignorance and indifference, which only potentiates the bitch mode of the BITCH even more thus contributing to the ultimate demise of the man to an emasculated wreck. I mean, you can’t hit them: real men never hit a woman, even a bitchy one. They can’t be vaporized in some sci-fi extravaganza, whereby they return as the porn goddess only interested in pleasing the Neanderthal through his every basic hedonistic need. NO, you see the bitch remains like the cockroach after the nuclear attack, or like fungus even after treatment.

So we are left with the only alternative, ignorance and indifference. But you see, herein lies the problem. Men can’t let things be. WE are stupid that way. As well, indifference only feeds the bitch. It is an enigma. It can’t be avoided; it can’t be killed. It is JUST A BITCH.

So men do what men do. They attempt closure; fix and finish the problem. There has to be closure, an ending. The fire has to be put out. Once encountered the BITCH must be put in her proverbial place. Really, if it were another man being so, the Neanderthal would kick his ass and bam, bam thank you ma’am…closure, finite ending, the problem is resolved.

Elton John sang it and it was correct. “The Bitch is Back.”

You see they never really leave because once a bitch always a bitch.

Clean the house?

Not good enough.

Mow the lawn?

Not good enough.

Multiple orgasms? Yeah, not good enough.

Do the dishes? Not good enough.

Polite respect….how dare you treat a woman like a woman—with respect!

Didn’t you know men and women are equal, thus why women get away with being a bitch. Because they mistakenly assume we are equal (incorrectly so). Which is why we can’t just kick your ass when you are a bitch and actually correct your problem as a BITCH!

So what do we do with the problem of the bitch? The Neanderthal man recommends the following basic points of advice:

1. Being a bitch is a disease. It is contagious. Be fearful but prepared to deal with it.

2. The disease can only be controlled but not cured.

3. Understand that the bitch, like the female dog, is preparing for sex, in heat for the mating process.

4. Treat your bitch with dignity, hard as it is.

5. The bitch is really guarding her soft fragile heart.

6. The bitch’s heart is in need of coddling and attention.

7. So be nice, even in the face of danger and pain.

8. And finally, when in doubt…..JUST CUM ON HER FACE BECAUSE SOMETIMES THE BITCH JUST DESERVES IT!

Ha, Ha, Ain’t that a BITCH