Slick is an African immigrant who came over to Baltimore when he was a boy with his traditional, intact family. He began as the smart kid in school getting beat up for acting white and eventually devolved into a typical black Baltimore dude: working on and off, dressing like a thug and utterly lacking in discipline. His mother is horrified and has complained to Slick’s friend that he is an embarrassment to the family and that African’s do not act like this, to which his friend gave her a copy of the Vice video: Cannibal Warlords of Liberia, which she is convinced is American propaganda!

In any case, one evening, Slick was, well, dressed up all, you know—Slick, sporting a brand new $200 pair of Air Jordan super sneakers. That girl he met at the club fell for him so hard it made his head spin. He took her home, banged her, and cruised off into sleepyville, another manly conquest under his belt…

In the morning [that’s an hour after bedtime in Black America] Slick awakened alone, his window open.

His money was gone.

His Air Jordans were gone—out the window, in the hands of that thieving, ninja bitch, who had fallen in love with Slick’s shoes and disciplined bitch that she was, did not let dick cloud her judgment, stayed on mission and made her way out into the profitable night posthaste, another notch in her lipstick case.