Mike, who is bipolar and used to do crack, but has straightened his life out enough to have a steady girlfriend for the past five years, just got married. I talked to Ellen, who was at the wedding yesterday, and told me that her new stepfather did not show up with the usual black eye or two, so things have apparently been blissful in Wicked Bitchland. However, Ellen did relate Mike’s condition in such a way as to indicate that our heroic groom might have been fearing the return of hard domestic times.

Mike, who normal operates a dump trunk, but had off of work for his wedding this Friday, arrived at the Towson Courthouse at 9 a.m., with his father, both of them appropriately drunk for the occasion. In fact, when the County official presiding over the ceremony asked if any one present had any objections to the union, Mike’s dad raises his hand and said he did—and then retracted the motion with a “Just kidding, Sue!”

Well, there you go young men, learn from Mike, if the bitch is already punching you in the face on a regular before you tie the knot, you might just as well show up at your sentencing drunk. Really, dude, if you must, do it drunk!