The following tales all happened in the early summer of 2016 in Eastern Baltimore County, where Reparations Recovery Measures are being driven hard by young warriors, unfortunately resulting in some collateral damage. The roll call of heroes is below.

Jerold and Lamonte were playing ball on the court on South Marlyn, when they got in a heated argument. Jerold can’t fight worth shit, so while Lamonte was whooping his ass, he stabbed him in the hip and ran off. True to The Cause, when the police rolled up and questioned Lamonte, he did not have any idea who the stabber was and had never seen him before.

Some sorry-ass white dude got off the last #23 bus out of the City at 1:30 a.m. Sunday and walked down Middleborough Road, like this shit was still acceptable. Having recently solidified their territory, the M-3 set dispatched their four youngest runners to bring this dude down, which was easily accomplished as the dumbass tried to push them away and cover his head at the same time. In about 10 seconds the cracker was laying and praying on the ground as he was relieved of his backpack, phone, wallet, money and all of his clothes except for his underpants. One of the warriors was later arrested by police and was leaving the court house with his mother by noon on Monday.

Later that same Sunday, at 1:30 in the afternoon, a cracker was walking down Middleborough Road when a three-man strike team rolled up in a car. Two of the young soldiers jumped out and went right for him, asserting their territorial dominance. When the redneck on foot decided to throw hands the brothers punished him. The smaller dude drew his knife [every strike team should have a knife man] cut the dude’s arm, and then made a tactical retreat to their combat vehicle, the driver of which sped off.

At 1:30 on Saturday morning, out at Ambo Circle, some dude of unknown race was smoking outside his place, when a dude he knew and two other dudes approached him. The dude he knew distracted him and the other two attacked, beating him down and taking the money he expected would have bought his high for the night. If you move out to the suburbs to hunt crackers this is a good way to set them up for beat downs, by using bait-friends. If you have moved out to the suburbs to hunt crackers, don’t get in the habit of stepping outside to speak to people at night, especially if there are dudes you don’t know accompanying him. A lot of dudes forget why they are moving into a white area and start to attack each other. For this reason I suggest you buy your weed from white dudes.

At 9:30 on a weekday night a white dude was walking out Eastern Boulevard toward the 7-11 when two brothers rode up to him on bikes and punched him out without even dismounting, even leaning down off the bikes to clean out his pockets and get his money. This dude was so low class he didn’t even have a cell phone and deserved what he got for not being able to fight. The boys then rode off, completing this very Comanche-like raid in fine style.

At 3:40 p.m. on Saturday afternoon, as hundreds of cars full of scared white people and don’t give a shit right people, drove by, a can’t fight white boy was walking along with his face in his smart phone when a big, black, righteous brother, rising up from 400 years of white oppression like a titan of retribution, just slammed his fist into that brittle cracker face and took his shit! Unfortunately, the police were called by someone and our hero was arrested soon thereafter.

At 5 in the morning on a Wednesday, a white boy and his sweetheart were taking a walk. Unbeknownst to their can’t fight asses, a heroic sufferer of systemic white racism had decided to strike back at his oppressors and had hidden in the bushes at the corner of the apartment building. When they turned the corner he rose up behind them and cut them both with his knife, before beating a tactical retreat. This brother got away free to strike another day.

Alley Atbar was walking along after getting off work down at the mall where he works for evil Whitey. Alley is a mixed race dude. He further demonstrated his loyalty to the evil white parent by not packing up with homeboys and casting a menacing shadow, but by walking along minding his own business and expecting no trouble, as if he was a full-blooded white boy back in Leave it to Beaver Land. Guilty of the crime of not behaving like a hip hop hero, Alley Atbar was targeted for redistribution, having been adjudged white by the pilot of the strike vehicle, which was occupied by a full four-man team of Reparations Recovery Agents. As Alley turned the corner onto Silver Spring from Perry Hall Boulevard, he found himself in the midst of a swarm of rabid hoodrats. Just as the black in him started to rise to the top and he began to fight, the little bastards ran away with his backpack.

There you have it, son, know what team you are on and comport yourself accordingly.

-Webone Shoop advisoring on behalf of your black ass