What, a, dick! Officer Horse was a complete douche-bag—a pig. He’s the kind of cop who’s a cop with or without the badge. We never saw him off duty, but he had that ‘better than everybody else’ attitude.

I was thirteen. We hung in Saint Helena and Old Dundalk, always between three and six of us. We sold drugs but mostly in bars or at prearranged times. It’s not like we carried the shit around with us. I mean we were kids but we weren’t stupid! Every time he saw you he would stop you, get out of the car, give you shit—just being a dick. ‘You boys causin’ trouble?’

He would make us empty our pockets—turn them inside out, so that everything hit the ground; money, cigarettes—that’s it. My buddy Mat said, ‘It’s none of your fuckin’ business!’ he pulled him up, threw him in the car and took him home to his mom. She was cool with it—used to buy us beer and whatever. My mom would flip though, so I always said I lived with Mat.

We’d see him comin’ down the street—knew the number of his car. We all just took off in different directions, just to fuck with him because he fucked with us. He’s a cop so he’s got to chase you right? I ran from him maybe ten-twelve times and only got caught twice. He would catch Little Ryan all the time. Ryan was a little shit—like eight—and he wanted to hang with us, so he was like our chaff, our cop countermeasure.

The two times he caught me were basically identical—I’m a chunky cigarette smoking kid and he’s a full-on man. I was quick out of the gate, but if he locked in on you and you were a smoker, good night, unless you hit the Grass Alley. If we hit the Grass Alley we usually lost him. He would kick your heels out from underneath of you—bam, slam, hittin’ the fucking concrete face first! That part definitely sucked man. Fat boy took a roll—felt like shit! He didn’t need no knee in the back or any of that shit. He’s a big manly man and I’m a fat little kid. He would cuff you while you are on your face, then yank you up by your arms. Now that shit hurt.

Once we were drinkin’ in the yard next door to Mat’s house and he rolls up, asking us what we are doing, ‘Where are your parents at!’

Mat said, ‘Fuck you pig! Ain’t none of your business!’

Horse said, ‘So you’re going to be a little smartass huh?’ and grabbed his ass up!

He grabbed him, cuffed him, and went to take him to his car, which was pretty stupid ‘cause his house was just next door! And the pig fuckin’ knew it because he had taken Mat there I don’t know how many times. Of course Mat points out that he is a dumbass, 'Asshole, I live next door!’ and Officer Horse slams his face into the door frame—a little high, did not break the nose, just cut his forehead. He made us leave and rode him around the block—so you’re thinking is he a big faɡɡot or what? Nothin’ happened to Mat, just the embarrassment of having to sit in the cruiser in front of his house. He was already planning his revenge though—you can bet on that shit.

A couple of days later we were at the bar. I forget the name of the bar. His brother lived over top of it and it was a drug bar—cocaine I think. The cops came to raid the bar, two cop cars. Now we are on the roof, up there drinking, and there is an eve overhanging about two feet. So the cops, they pull up close, driver’s side to the bar door and get out, leaving their car doors open—douche-bags! Mat sets his beer down and says, ‘You want to see something funny? Watch this shit.’

So we go over to the edge of the roof above the gutter and he whips his dick out and begins pissing. It’s not like he had to be a great shot or anything. Besides when you’re a kid you practice pissing on stuff. He pisses right on the driver’s seat dude—drains the vein! You could hear it raining on the seat. Unfortunately it was not Officer Horse’s seat, but some other cops. Oh well, fuck him! We did not stick around to see him sit in it, just scooted back into his bro’s apartment through the window.

Now I always watched out for the fat cops. There were a couple of these big fat boys. They had some legs that surprised you, and compared to kids who smoked they had good lungs. I saw this one big boy cop hopping a six foot fence going after one of my buddies. But still, if you scatter, they never got many.

Officer Horse was probably in his mid twenties, so I suppose is in his forties now. It’s hard to recall things like their voice from when you were a kid because he just sounded like a man. He was a big ass man and you were a kid. Adults just all spoke this jerk-off ‘background’ [monotone] language that you tried not to hear let alone remember. Out of all the cops he was the biggest dick, the one whose name we remembered. The other cops might pull you up for smokin’. But Officer Horse, he broke your cigarettes, and then ground them into the pavement with his heels so there was nothing to salvage.

Go ahead and use his name—fuck him!

Steevo is gainfully employed, has an awesome movie collection, a good old lady, and only smokes on special occasions.