Previously published as ‘To the Doors of Hell’, expanded and revised

In considering making a list of Howard’s best works I was baffled until the criteria was narrowed down to their appeal to the masculine mind. Each listing will end with a bracketed number to indicate how racial charged the story was, with 0 indicating that there is no racial element worthy of note, and 10 indicating that race is the most noteworthy aspect of the story. For the record, I believe that selections 10, 9, 7, 6 and 5 are the seven best Howard stories, no matter the criteria, and in the order indicated.

13. The Frost Giant’s Daughter, Conan the Barbarian, short story, 1932, unsold by Howard, [6]

12. The Black Stranger, Conan the Barbarian, novella, 1935, unsold by Howard, In the Black Vulmea adaptation, Swords of The Red Brotherhood the masculine ferocity is not toned down and the story is not sold, being published posthumously, [7]

11. By This Axe I Rule!, Kull, novelette, 1929, unsold by Howard, the themes are more masculine than the Conan version, The Phoenix on the Sword, that was eventually sold, [5]

10. People of the Black Circle, Conan the Barbarian, novella, 1934, [6]

9. The Scarlet Citadel, Conan the Barbarian, novella, 1933, [8]

8. Red Shadows, Solomon Kane, novella, 1928, [9]

7. Black Canaan, Kirby Buckner, novelette, 1936, [10]

6. The Tower of the Elephant, Conan the Barbarian, short story, 1933, [3]

5. Queen of the Black Coast, Conan the Barbarian, novella, 1934, [9]

4. Spears of Clontarf, unsold in Howard’s life time, rejected in two versions, the other being The Grey God Passes, [7]

3. Black Vulmea’s Vengeance, 1938, unpublished in Howard’s lifetime. This is the ultimate anti-establishment, lone wolf yarn, from which the quote that serves as the title of this article is taken, [10]

2. Worms of the Earth, Bran Mak Morn, novelette, 1932, Bran has sex with a lizard woman in order to gain supernatural help in the fight to avenge the execution of one of his tribesmen. This is the ultimate, fascist masculinity trip, [10]

1. Almuric, unpublished and probably unfinished in Howard’s lifetime, the most masculine piece of literature since the Iliad, [8]