Tyler was still shaking from the ordeal, of being abandoned by Danny for some cute blonde in a Lexus—‘She was probably tall, and had been seeing him all along!’—and of being rescued by Black Mercedes and Jackie Spam. She was calming down though, if still a bit giddy. Wiping down Jackie’s hard chest with the alien state trooper’s hat, despite the disgusting gore, was somewhat cathartic.

‘I guess I never will earn my BA in Applied Psychology, will I?’

Jackie was as cleaned up as they were going to get him—all red-stained in his powder blue scrubs. Black Mercedes seemed irritated that Tyler just continued patting him down, that he did not seem to mind her touching him—‘They never do, do they Gregowski, you slutty little Polack!’

Black Mercedes was literally carrying her down the aisle to the back of the bus now as Miss Betty directed Old Man Jones to drive them to a liquor store, and mentioned tequila. She then smiled at and waived to the Mexican girl while Black Mercedes, apparently her new older sister—spun her around and checked her all around for creepy crawlies. She looked up into her new friend’s dark brown eyes and said, “I could go for some tequila!”

She then looked up onto the back deck at the sobbing Mexican girl, “Tequila? Some tequila!”

The girl sobbed, “Bueno…mucho tequila!” and rubbed the back of her shaking hands across her eyes.

Tyler winked at the frightened housekeeper, and then turned to Black Mercedes, “I haven’t done anything to help. I’m just a burden. Let’s you and me raid the liquor store. I always wanted to do some kind of criminal guy thing—it ‘ill be fun!”

Black Mercedes seemed horrified, “No, you can’t go. I’ll go with Jackie. I don’t want anything happening to you.”

‘Oh, she’s a dyke and has a crush on you.’

‘Handle it Gregowski.’

She then held both of the taller girl’s hands pleadingly, like she had a few minutes ago when she told Danny she did not want to die—before it turned out he abandoned her on the bus stop for some tall blonde in a Lexus. She looked up searchingly into her eyes, and whispered, “I would never go outside without you to protect me. I know you will keep me safe.”

Black Mercedes melted, “Whatever you need Baby, I’m there for you, all the way.”

‘Good, I haven’t had a drink since three in the morning. The fact that God decided to kill us all on Sunday is a sure sign that a Saturday night party extension is in divine force.’

‘You know you’re just a drunk right? You are just offering to help because the same monkey that is on that big lady’s back is perched on your narrow shoulders.’

‘It is better than dealing with this shit sober!’

“Amen!” she blurted, to her astonishment.

Even as Black Mercedes tried to shush her and pull her down onto the bench seat, the big handicapped man turned to her from his position by the rear door and pointed to a pamphlet in his hand. It was a colorful autumn scene with a black couple seated in the foreground. He stepped to them even as her girlfriend pulled her down into the seat with her. He persisted, even as Black Mercedes snarled under her breath, “Oh Gawd you got to get his dumbass jabberin’ ‘bout his Janovalist shit.”

The big kind man was unperturbed, “Look, it says ‘all suffering is soon to end’. You see, the black man here in the blue work clothes, that is Jackie composited with Old Man Jones—working for us. The yellow shirted lady is Black Mercedes of course, working for us as well.”

Black Mercedes cut him off, “What you so happy about Tweet? I don’ see no bigass bubblehead fool in dat joint!”

He, again, was unperturbed, “Oh, I’m thinking I’m the big moose. The little moose—the lady one in the background—is probably Kendra.”

Black Mercedes was tensing, ready to hit the man, so Tyler used a calming hand on her arm, “What about the rest of us Tweet?”

“Oh, you are most certainly the beautiful white lady on the white horse. The red autumn leaves behind you may be evoked as a metaphor for your hair. The house, of course, represents the bus, with the others inside. You see, we are to be taken to paradise on this bus—it is the Rapture Wagon, the Low Swinging Chariot of the Jubilee!”

Black Mercedes grumbled low, “Oh I know yo ass retarded now boy.”

Tyler calmed her with a shoulder brush and a grin, and smiled up at Tweet, “Thanks so much for witnessing to me Tweet. You are a good man.”

The giant then beamed joyfully at this, nodded, and stood up by the back door like a sentinel, motionless except for his eyes as the bus barreled down Rossville through the intersection, which was crowded with the tangled wreckage of cars, through which their janitor-cum-bus driver plowed without slowing, shattering the car frames and scattering engines, tires and bodies this way and that.

Over the hill under the power lines the bus roared, splattering some zombie-like person all over the windshield and obscuring their view until the windshield wipers did their work, although a hand remained attached to the left wiper, seeming to waive mockingly at them as they continued on their insane way.

Black Mercedes snarled, “Oh that’s some creepy crawly voodoo shit there!” and then seemed to have remembered something, and covered Tyler’s eyes.

Within seconds they were plowing through another wreckage-littered intersection—Rossville and Belair—toward the strip mall behind the doughnut shop, and the sporting goods place where she had purchased Danny’s batting gloves.

‘Oh Danny! Why did you leave me?’

She then began to shake and cry as the sound of metal grinding something lighter against asphalt and concrete became overwhelming and the sobs wracked her body.

Black Mercedes held her tight, “Don’ worry girlfriend. This ole bus will rip right through this mess here.”

“Oh, It’s not that. It’s Danny. We were shopping here just yesterday!”

She was now feeling foolish as Black Mercedes comforted her, and pulled the gum from her mouth at the same time, “You were too good for him Baby.”

She then broke the wad of gum in half between her fingers, and stuffed the pieces in Tyler’s ears, and began lacing on a surgical mask over Tyler’s face, “Your nose is so small and cute girl.”

“Thanks.”

They were now pulling up into the parking lot, thumping over something, and then something else, and roaring across the deserted lot strewn with cars; closed, half-open, parked and un-parked. Jackie’s voice could then be heard, “I hear we have an estrogen patrol ready for a liquor run!”

Black Mercedes bellowed, “You bet yo gyro-feastin’ ass Jackie Spam!”

And Tyler raised her hand proudly. Then, to the surprise of all, the Mexican housekeeper came down off the deck and yelped, “Me too!” taking a mask from their squad leader, Black Mercedes.

Nick then bellowed, “Up front—Tweet hold the back doors—offload in five…four…Three!”

‘Oh this is it—this is going to be crazy! Hold hands, hold hands with both of them—in the middle so you don’t fall and get left behind!’

“Two!”

“One—and go ladies!”

The bus door hissed open and they were flying off the platform onto the asphalt, the liquor store thirty thirsty paces away—‘Just clear the curb. Do not trip Gregoski. God these jeans are too tight! I knew I should have worn slacks today!’

Black Mercedes was snarling about ‘alien shits’ and the Hispanic lady was screaming in Spanish, and all Tyler could do was breath, trying desperately to keep up with these two big strong women…

To be continued in Chiquita: First Contact #10