My son has been married to this drug addict bitch for two years now and he just won’t let her go. I have tried to tell him what she was, but he’s in love. The one saving grace was always that they didn’t have kids together. Then the bitch gets knocked up just as he’s ready to break it off. I told him, “Son, you’re in for the long haul now. You better get her and that baby drug-tested at birth so that Brian [the baby] can get the help he needs.”

Well, I’m standing there in the waiting room and we get the news: Brain is black! My son is beside himself so I ask him what she had to say about that.

You will never guess what she said.

Go on, guess. What did she say about her baby being black when her and my son are both as white as the side of the trailer she was hatched in?

[The author shrugs his shoulders.]

I could not have made this shit up. If you wrote this shit in a novel, the editor would say, “Get that off my desk, that’s ridiculous.”

Get this. She said, “I was going tanning a lot at the salon!”

Are you fucking kidding me you fucking whore! She was obviously getting boned by the drug dealer. They found opiates, cocaine, pot and amphetamines in her system the day she fucking delivered!

I don’t know about my son though. He’s just soft enough he might stay with her. God, I hope not.

As late as the early 1980s, In Maryland, if a wife had a baby by another man, her husband was still legally responsible for the child. I suppose this has changed with the advent of paternity testing. For Donnie’s sake, I hope so.