James, I suspect your family intends to buy you socks and underwear for Christmas. Like they do every year. True?

This year tell them you need “slash proof” underwear. Check this out:

(PPSS Cut and Slash Resistant T-Shirt - CEO of Body Armour firm is cutting and slashing himself!)

Pretty impressive. The Cut-Tex Pro T-shirt easily deflects cuts from a “Stanley” utility knife in this demonstration. I wonder how it stands up to knife thrusts? Definitely it needs to be field tested. What is attractive about these slash proof garments is that they provide much greater coverage of your body than your average Kevlar armor without adding a lot of weight or looking too conspicuous. Certainly they would be more practical to wear everyday than riot armor. You could easily conceal them under conventional clothing, as in the demo. Finally the T-shirts appear light enough to be reasonably comfortable to wear on a hot, muggy Summer day. Alternately you could layer the garments when the weather is cold or for extra protection when you have reason to believe an attack is likely.

Here is the website for the US vendor of PPSS products;

Given your life style and fashion sense I believe the short-sleeved T-shirt, the long-sleeved T, the hoody and the gloves would suit you. Oh, and don’t forget the slash proof boxer shorts.

So James, your readers have expressed concern for your safety given the deteriorating social order in Harm City. It is reasonable to expect that things will get progressively worse. In the short term there is likely to be much post-election violence, no matter who wins. Have your IT minions set up a crowd fund site so everyone can contribute to buying you a suitable Christmas present. Call it the “Save James Lafond’s Ass” fund.

Additionally I am eager to see this clothing tested under actual field conditions. I can’t think of a better person to give them a proper going over, or a better proving ground than Harm City. The PPSS slash resistant garments are pricey, but if they work as advertised they will certainly be cheaper health insurance than Obamacare. They could spare you from having to wait for hours in an emergency room crowded with Illegal immigrants with head colds too. LOL!

(PPSS Bullet Resistant Vests Test - CEO gets shot by 9mm Parabellum round)

PPSS’s ballistic body armor looks pretty impressive as well. Certainly the CEO stands behind his product. LOL! With a NIJ Level IIIA rating this vest will stop bullets from a .44 Magnum, .30 caliber carbine FMJ, 7.62x25mm Tokarev FMJ and 12 gauge shotgun slugs. Not too shabby for a lightweight concealable vest.

“From the foundation of the city till the reign of the Emperor Gratian the foot wore cuirasses and helmets. But negligence and sloth having by degrees introduced a relaxation of discipline, the soldiers began to think their armor too heavy as they seldom put it on. They first requested leave from the Emperor to lay aside the cuirass and afterwards the helmet. In consequence of this our troops in their engagements with the Goths were often overwhelmed with their showers of arrows. Nor was the necessity of obliging the infantry to resume their cuirasses and helmets discovered, notwithstanding such repeated defeats, which brought on the destruction of so many great cities. Troops defenseless and exposed to all the weapons of the enemy are more disposed to fly than to fight.”

-Flavius Vegetius Renatus, “De Re Militari” (On the Military), 378 A.D.

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

- Ephesians 6:13-17 (NIV).

Thank you so much, Jeremy!

The slash proof underwear will do. I’d hate to forever disappoint the mares.