Look, I know that many don’t like the site which I am going to refer to here, but it has a useful barbarian reference, and is instructive:

First beheading and now impalement. Here is a sample:

“They lay the [shivering] Malefactor upon his Belly, with his Hands tied behind his Back, then they slit up his Fundament [anal cavity] with a Razor, and throw into it a handful of Paste that they have in readiness, which immediately stops the Blood. After that they thrust up into his Body a very long Stake as big as a Man’s Arm, sharp at the point and tapered, which they grease a little before; when they have driven it in with a Mallet, till it come out at his Breast, or at his Head or Shoulders, they lift him up, and plant this Stake very straight in the Ground, upon which they leave him so exposed for a day. One day I saw a Man upon the Pale, who was Sentenced to continue so for three Hours alive and that he might not die too soon, the Stake was not thrust up far enough to come out at any part of his Body, and they also put a stay or rest upon the Pale, to hinder the weight of his body from making him sink down upon it, or the point of it from piercing him through, which would have presently killed him: In this manner he was left for some Hours, (during which time he spoke) and turning from one side to another, prayed those that passed by to kill him, making a thousand wry Mouths and Faces, because of the pain be suffered when he stirred himself, but after Dinner the Pasha [a local Islamic overlord] sent one to dispatch him; which was easily done, by making the point of the Stake come out at his Breast, and then he was left till next Morning, when he was taken down, because he stunk horridly.”

Some tools required for the preparation of this are: knowledge of the human anatomy and where the various vital organs of the body are, special chemical paste with which to reduce or stop bleeding, a bucket of lard, a 6 to 9 feet tall pike tapered to a very blunt point at one end, a team of muscle men, a big mallet, a complete psychopath (educated about the human anatomy) who will drive the leading edge of the shaft of the stake (or the pike) into the sweaty and shivering body of the spread-out victim tied or held down on a table, a town square or a prominent hill, and an official order from an Islamic authority (either local or global). The amazing thing about this difficult torture method is that a long pole could be made to travel through the living body (through the anus and out through the skin of the back above the right side of the chest) without killing the victim. And then, such a shishkebabed victim would have to be lifted up from a horizontal position and placed vertically into a hole in the ground that will hold the base of the stick that impaled him, so he can linger on top of it for days, exposed to the praying birds and shocked sights of people passing by. Oftentimes, the victim would moan for days and nights begging for a quick death. There also was a variation on this method whereby a searing hot iron pike was used instead for anal penetration and passage through the torso.”

You get the point. Anyway, must run, got to cook the kebabs for dinner tonight.

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